That Sickening Feeling

It started this morning. That sickening feeling that you get in your stomach when you know something is coming that you aren't completely prepared for. When I left the house this morning to take the little guys to preschool, I cheerfully commented to Andy "it's your last week of work!" It wasn't until I was on my way to school that it really hit me. This is his last week of work...

This is his last full week here... This is his last full week with the kids until we move...

I am not sure how to process these feelings. I've done a great job of pretending like the situation didn't exist until now. Filled my days with thoughts of how short the time would be, or simply refusing to think about it at all.

The reality is that we will have 5 months apart from each other. 5 months where we will Skyp, call, mail, etc. But there will be few times for real interaction. We've been doing our best to prep the kids so that there isn't a major fall-out. We know that there will be despite our best efforts.

I have a full week and three days left with my husband, before he moves 1/2 way across country to bravely start a new life for us, one where we will be able to live up to the goals and dreams that we've talked about for several years. I cannot imagine how hard it is for him, I only know the pain that I feel, and that I still have the kids here to comfort me and I to comfort them. Who will comfort him?

And So It Begins, Again

I have just over one day left until the Spring semester starts. I just opened my "school" e-mail, hoping that my professors may have e-mailed to hint at first lectures, send the syllabus, etc. Little did I know that this would lead me to feel completely and totally dizzy and frightened.

This semester I will be taking Women's Studies, US History (1890-present), English (yes, another one), Human Development, and Anatomy and Physiology II. I haven't heard from any of my professors with the exception of my A&P Professor. I took her class last semester and really enjoyed the class and her teaching style. That said, it absolutely kicked my ass. She sent the course outline today with exam dates (her exam schedule is crazy, every 2 wks or so) and our first lecture series on the Central Nervous System. The PowerPoint set is 95 slides long. Um excuse me WHAT?! 95 slides, with our CNS exam on February 4th, 2 weeks away from now. I could throw up.

Side note. I am SO excited that Natalie Portman won Best Actress for Black Swan. She was brilliant in the movie and I think she's just adorable in general. Have to admit that I am pretty pissed that The Social Network won for Best Picture. Inception and Black Swan were far superior, but it just goes to show that we really do live in a Facebook society.

No New Years Resolutions, Just Life Changes

I am not a fan of the whole "New Years Resolutions" thing. I get that people go in to them with the right ideas. I'll lose weight, I'll quit smoking, I'll get to the gym more..... The lists go on and on. Like most of those people though, I have never really followed through on any of it. I don't think that people fail because they really can't do these things. Rather, I think that the motivation is wrong. You can't change your life simply on the fact that it's a whole new year. It has to come from a deep desire within, one that will stick with you when those goals are challenged over and over again. Sometimes those desires are long planned and grow, and sometimes they come from a wake-up call. My latest life change goal comes from the latter.

I almost feel silly posting this, because it does sound so cliche to have it around the new year. That said, my revelation actually happened over the holidays, and it's taken some time for me to decide to actually run with it. I'm going to make the commitment to myself to become vegan again. I was faced with the reality (over the holidays) that my body seriously hates me when I eat animal products in almost any form. Dairy and I clash hard, and yet when I have even a little bit, it sends me spiraling out of control and I crave more and more despite the physical pain it puts me in. How odd is that? Eggs, well I just find eggs to be gross in theory. So that is a lesser "give-up."

I went to the library last night and found two new-to-me cookbooks Veganomicon and Vegan with a Vengeance, both by Isa Chandra Moskowitz. These books are going to be my guide to day by day vegan eating and living for the next month (that is how long I will have them on loan at least). I spent two hours last night pouring over the introductions, the recipes, the tips. To say that I am excited would be an understatement. My past attempts at veganism ended due to issues with "what to eat?" and boredom of the food. With these two books alone, I feel that I could cook for months on end and never repeat a recipe.

This morning I made tofu scramble. I've made my own versions of this before, something that I actually eat quite regularly. Usually I have to supplement with corn tortillas and a bit of salsa to really enjoy. However, I followed her recipe in Vegan with a Vengeance (the first in the book), and am in love. It needed nothing else, it was absolutely divine!

So, on top of family, school, and knitting posts, I will now also be keeping a little log of my cooking adventures and struggles on this new journey I am undertaking!

Happy 2011 everyone.